Human Like You | Where Human Struggle Meets Grace.

This Could Take You Out pt.1

Growing up in our single wide mobile home always made for a small place for three young elementary boys to play. One day my friends Les and Brad came over after school. We decided we were going to have a pillow fight. We all three chose our pillow and begin to swing as hard as possible.

Keep in mind that Les and Brad are twice my size…or they were then. I used to be a scrawny little elementary school kid.

Les, the bigger of the three, picked up a feather pillow and begin to swing it rapidly. I did not think that a feather pillow could hurt me so badly, until he gave me the fatal blow to the head.

He hit me so hard with a feather pillow that it knocked me out cold.

Who would’ve ever thought that a feather pillow could have knocked someone unconscious?

Here is what I learned from that pillow fight.

One feather may be light and soft to the touch. As an individual feather, it is a nondestructive item. But when you compact thousands of light things together they become a deadly force.

And so it goes with all the small or light circumstances that are being allowed to impact your life and ministry. They all begin to compact together until one day they deal a deadly blow to your life and knock you out of your marriage, father/motherhood, or ministry.

When I was a pastor, I had many feathers fall all around me. I ignored them. I also paid the price.

Here a few things to consider as feathers in your pillow case:

It may be showing up 5 minutes late to your child’s piano recital.
It may be missing to many ball games.
It may be one too many drinks.
It may be flirtation with the church secretary.
It could be your spouse asking you to help more around the house and it going unsatisfied.
It could be your church employees distancing themselves from you.
It could be your son or daughter asking if you have to go back to the church office.

Whatever your feather, be aware that it may be a light thing right now, but be assured they are compacting on you everyday that you do not manage them.

That which we are contending with may seem light, but when many light things are compounded they take you down.

This Could Take You Out pt. 2

Soapbox Preacher Bashing

I was once a preacher basher. I would stand on the illusory soapbox while behind the pulpit and make my spill about who we should listen to, why we should not listen, and who I thought was a heretic and not committed to the pure gospel of Jesus.

My actions and words were most immature and greatly ungodly. It took me realizing that I too am in need of great grace, direction, and maturation.

Image by: MonsieurLui

Here are 10 Reason why one should not practice soapbox preacher bashing:

Realize that we do not have the place to correct someone in which do not have a relationship. As the old saying goes, “Rebuke without relationship breeds contempt.”
These actions bring more dissension in the body than it does unity. Why tear a part someone who professes Christ just as you?
People who you think agree with probably don’t. Many say amen, but not genuinely agree.
You discredit your own integrity by tearing down someone else’s character or method of sharing the gospel.
This gives the unbeliever a reason to continue in unbelief.
The person in whom is being criticized is defenseless. Why speak ill of someone when they are absent?
This makes some feel safe cause the ones being bashed cannot and would not retaliate. Why use social media to spew opinion while cloaking it in defending the gospel?
Jesus would never act out against those that are for him. Luke 9:49-50 49 “Master,” said John, “we saw someone driving out demons in your name and we tried to stop him, because he is not one of us.” 50 “Do not stop him,” Jesus said, “for whoever is not against you is for you.”
Publicly tearing down someone is not the fruits of the spirit which are meekness, kindness, gentleness, goodness and self-control. (no I didn’t list all nine)
You could possibly be nearsighted and think others should share the gospel as you think the New Testament should be preached.

Before we take our words and throw them around aimlessly, one should look inwardly at his or her intentions or motives. Are people such as Osteen, Jakes, Pearson, or Furtick preaching a gospel that is contrary to life in the scripture? (these names are used only for reference due to those who deem these as controversial or even heretical)

We all have varying viewpoints – and rightly so – as to whom we support or regard as a “real man or woman of God”. Remember, there are people who think that what you preach may not be all that “gospelly”.

We must not label people from behind our pulpits and social networks as heretics, lest they earn that attestation without regard. An example of a real heretic would be David Koresh. Do we place the people mentioned above in this same category? That’s dangerous.

Maybe our soap boxes need to get kicked out from under our own preachy feet today. I know mine did. I lead the charge against these people at one time.

I have my opinions concerning many preachers. But they are best left unspoken. Why? Cause they won’t change a thing.

We must place on the lens of the New Testament and walk it out as Christ. Leave all the other baloney alone.

Discussion Question:
Do you have any thoughts on this topic? Please share them.

The Pouter or The Manipulator?

Twitter (@mattwade) has become one of the ways I communicate about my blog. Upon reading over the many information feeds I saw this tweet posted by Willie George of Church of the Move in Tulsa, OK.

“Pouting is manipulation. No place for it in your marriage!”

OUCH! Reality check.

Photobucket image by: Paladin_008

I’m a pouter. I’ll admit it. I am not sure what causes me to be such an immature husband at times. But with all the vulnerability that I have – I am putting myself out here today in hope that we can learn something from Willie Georges statement.

My wife Amber is a rock. She is one of the strongest people I know. I look to her for advice on just about everything that has to do with parenting.

Just like most couples, we argue over whatever. The problem with arguing – whether important or not – is that I get my feelings hurt. I guess I am somewhat of a wimp when it comes to my emotions.

I then do what a child tends to do – I pout. I mean – I pout – for a few hours. I have been this way my whole life. My face stays wrinkled. I don’t have a good attitude. My answers are short and blunt. I am a jerk when I pout.

I assumed that my pouting would make my wife feel awful and she would apologize – FOR THE WAY I TREATED HER.

I hope you got that.

I read Willie’s comment on twitter and quickly realized that I am not a pouter - I am a manipulator.

I made a decision when I read that comment to end the pout and the manipulation and do as one of my mentors did in her marriage – Practice instant forgiveness.

Discussion Question:

What about you? Do you cloak manipulation in pouting as I have done? Let’s talk about it.

5 Ways To Spot A Crazy Pastor

Now, before you jump to conclusions I am not talking about the pastor who cross dresses every 5th Sunday. Albeit that is nuts, I want to discuss the more subtle approaches to being crazy.

For someone to choose to be a leader either by calling or by general vocation, he or she has to have some sort of “crazy” in his or her DNA. You have to handle so much pressure and weight that it can become a tough situation if you do not have the proper legs to balance the table of leadership responsibilities. However, there are some who are just plain wild-eyed.

Image courtesy of: SuperFantastic

I want so share 5 ways to spot a crazy pastor.

Keep in mind, that you will not be able to spot these 5 things on the initial interview. You may have to interview a few times to see even one of them. The others will come out after you are hired. Most pastors, when interviewing put on their best game face – especially if you can benefit the staff.

But after you have been hired by the nut job, you can always resign. You are not a hostage. You are an employee.

You have to look at the type people he has around him. Are they like servant zombies? Are they entranced by the leader? Look closely. How does he relate to his staff? Let me be very clear: I believe in serving my leader, without any reservation. But some take it to a level of control. Just be aware.
Ask the leader in the interview, “What kind of books do you read?” Now, depending on whether or not you are the crazy in this equation, the answer you get may be for your better. Regardless, what a man consistently reads he will become. I am all for being ecumenical in my faith in Jesus. I read various authors so that I am educated on belief or theology. However, like eating fish – you enjoy the meat but spit out the bones.
Check the leaders theology via the website or blog before you ever get to the interview. This is so important. The job may pay well, but if they are coo coo, you do not want to get wrapped up in a mess.
Listen to at least 5 of his messages on varying topics via the web before the interview. I have met a few that I loved when they were not preaching. Once they opened their mouths on the stage, the morphed into another creature. Sure, we all teach or preach a little differently than we talk – but being a completely different person is not genuine. If you can handle the chameleon, go for it. If not, bail out now.
If you have access to others in his denomination or fellowship don’t be afraid to ask about his track record/longevity as a leader. Keep in mind – even you have people who do not like you. So not everyone is going to give you a 100% love consensus. However, you can get an overall feel of the kind of person for which you are going to potentially work.

I have worked for control freaks (I used to be one myself), I have worked for screamers (not just in the pulpit, but in the staff meetings), and I have worked for church athletes (Ministry became a game). I try to avoid this mess in my own life and I hope you can avoid it in yours as well.

I hope these five things help in your next job search.

Discussion Question:

Have you ever worked for a crazy? If so, what were some of his or her tactics? (This is not a time to bash or call names.)

5 Essential Leadership Habits

As we are given much, then much is required of us as leaders. Here are five habits that you as a leader must continually sharpen and walk about in order to remain and grow as an effective leaders.

Image courtesy of koalazymonkey

1. Be on time.

If one cannot manage his or her time effectively, great opportunities will be missed. There is nothing as disrespectful as being late to an engagement where your presence is needed or required.

Proverbs 21:5

The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.

2. Build authentic relationships with your tribe

People are not drawn to personality types as much any more. They are more interested in building a relationship with their leader. They want genuine connection. This is key if you are going to lead anyone, anywhere. People can see through the non-genuine pat on the back or empty thank you.

Connect today and do it genuinely.

Matthew 22:39
…the second is like the first, Love your neighbor as yourself.

3. Remain Accountable

Accountability is the best way to stay out of the 5 o’clock news. It is imperative that you find a safe place to be venerable about your weaknesses or flaws. Allow someone who has your best interest at heart to be able to ask the tough questions. “What are you looking at on the internet? What are you reading to grow? How are you handling your family time?”

Romans 14:12
“So then each of us shall give account of himself to God.”

Proverbs 27:17
“As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.

4. Seek Wisdom

This is the one virtue for which we can pray. God has promised to give us wisdom. So, pray and get wisdom. Also, seek wise counsel. Be careful as to not find the “yes” person in your life and think that you are being wise. Have more than one that can speak to you about decisions and then weigh out your information by prayer.

Proverbs 2:6

For the Lord gives skillful and godly wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding.

Ecclesiastes 7:25

So I turned my mind to understand, to investigate and to search out wisdom and the scheme of things and to understand the stupidity of wickedness and the madness of folly.

5. Take care of your spouse

This is so important. Ministry cannot be a mistress. When your church doors close each Sunday, your wife and kids are still there. When people leave you and walk out on you in church or ministry your family are the ones that are still there for you.

Don’t make them despise the church and even you. Take care of them first. This is the will of God.

1 Peter 3:7 (ISV)

In a similar way, you husbands must live with your wives in an understanding manner, as with a most delicate partner. Honor them as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing may interfere with your prayers.

DISCUSSION:
What are some habits that you have as a leader? Please share them.

That’s So Hot

No, this blog has nothing to do with Paris Hilton’s statement “That’s Hot”.But, it does have to do with the right temperature or climate that causes us to sweat. For leaders, Sam Chand describes that climate for us:

” Trust grows in an environment that is HOT: honest, open, and transparent.”

Photo courtesy of Jetportal

What would happen among ALL leaders – small church/mega church – if we were to cultivate a climate in our churches among the LEADERSHIP that was honest, open, and transparent?

At first, I think it would make many sweat a bit out of fear.

As leaders, it is incredibly easy to expect our followers to cultivate this sort of climate. But in many cases the same rules do not seem to apply to those leading the honest bunch.

We expect followers to be transparent, while we refuse to afford ourselves that same freedom. There are many reasons why. I get that.

You have too much to lose.

Your wife may not know.

Your children may be ashamed.

Your church may split.

But what if we were to strip the reasoning out of the equation and throw off the care that comes with hiding our junk and just become transparent one thing at a time – one problem at a time?

Do you have a group or a friend that you can confess all? If not, why?

If you had poison in your body would you not get to the nearest doctor to get help? Unfortunately, there is the poison of fear, rejection, and solitude that runs in the veins of every leaders. But it does not have to dominate your life!

There is a way out. There is freedom from this life. It does not have to destroy you, your marriage, family, or ministry. It can empower and deliver those around you all the while bringing healing to you!

I challenge you today to cultivate an environment that is HOT – full of honesty, openness, and transparency.This is where trust and truth will grow.

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5 Great Leadership Admonitions

This will be a relatively short blog but I think encouraging nonetheless. Everyone could apply the 5 instructions below, but I wanted to direct them to the leader. There are actually 8 in all, but most leaders have heard or read the first three quite often. I want to share the latter 5.

1 Thessalonians 5:19-22 These spoke volumes to me and I wanted to share them to you as an encouragement to press on.

1. Do not put out the Spirits Fire.

2. Do not treat prophecies with contempt.

3. Test everything.

4. Hold on to the good.

5. Avoid every kind of evil.

These five things probably mean many different things to different church or theological backgrounds. However, they are definitely five exhortations to practice as often as we are mindful of them.

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Former Satanist on God’s Love

Guest Post by Peter Gilson, Kissimmee, FL

Ever doubt God’s love? Ever find yourself thinking, “God couldn’t love me after doing this.” Or has someone who you are ministering to say “How could God love me after the things I’ve done? You don’t understand, He could never forgive me for …”

I thought that way for a long time. You see, I have spent over half my life as a Satanist. I was actively fighting against God. To this day, the enemy tries to deceive me with the whisper that God does not love me for what I have done in the past.

But the truth is this – He loves us so much we truly can’t fully comprehend the vastness of His love.

In Mark 12:28 He tells us that the “GREATEST” commandment revolves around love. That the second greatest also revolves around love. God is love. That is so His point. It goes on in the scripture to say that those two things are ”more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.”

It is impossible for any of us to love God as much as He loves us. We don’t have the capacity. God also knows our limit on love, which is why those two things – loving God with all our Heart, and loving our neighbor as ourselves – are the two most important things He asks in return.

When I think of having spent twenty years cursing him, actively fighting against him with all that I was, bringing people to satan, burning and destroying bibles, all the things I did as a Satanist and satanic priest I am beyond awe in being able to say I have FELT God’s love for me.

The changes He has made in me, the ways that God has used me as an example of His ability to forgive, and to love is the most amazing thing I have ever known.

Without God’s love, I would be back trapped in that darkness I lived in half my life. Or simply put, I would be dead and in hell. More than likely the later. Without a doubt in my mind.

God’s love did that for me, HE did that for me, and He doesn’t love me any more than He does you. So next time you hear a whisper inside you encouraging you to doubt God’s love, or forgiveness, think of my story, because He loves YOU, and everyone around you just as much.

If interested you can read my testimony HERE, God Bless you and keep you.