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The Most Devastating Day of Her Life

Did you know according to BARNA that 64% of women say that the MOST devastating day of their lives was the day their husband entered the ministry?

Did you get that? With all that happens in life – divorce, loss of a parent or child, adultery, abuse (bother verbal and physical), substance abuse, etc. – they still chose to say that the calling of God was the worst thing that happened to their marriage.

I can identify with this statement. I wrote about HOW I TREATED MY WIFE LIKE A DOG. I give 10 ways in which I really mistreated her.

What was the result in my lack of care for Amber? She stopped going to church for 6 months and resented the ministry.

So my question today for you is this:

Are you going to allow your ministry to be the death of your marriage?

If your wife falls into the sixty four percentile – then do not be surprised if you find divorce papers on your pillow. You might even find that she is having an affair with the man she wants you to be.

Jesus did not call you to sacrifice your family on the altar of ministry. It is one thing to leave all for Christ. It is another to leave all for ministry.

Don’t get those confused.

You Really Need A Friend

Did you know that 70% of pastors/leaders do not have a close friend, confidant, or mentor?

How can this be? As leaders/pastors, we are are mentors, friends, and confidants to everyone around us and yet we as leaders are lacking the healthy practice of confession.

I have several people in my life in which I tell EVERYTHING. Yes, EVERYTHING.

There are many pastors/leaders who lie to others and to themselves and say that they do TELL ALL as it relates to confession to a friend, confidant, or mentor. They will admit that they have looked at pornography or lied, or misused money. The problem is that many will admit to having done one of these things in the past, but they will not admit it as though it was a recent happening. I guess this approach makes them feel as though it is not as bad or that it will not look as terrible if they admit to it being a PAST issue rather than a current one.

Many will give the partial truth as though the partial truth is better than a real confession of sin. The church testimony is shared rather than the actual testimony. You know – we hide the real stuff so it does not sound or look as bad.

I have done this so many times. Whether it was a lie about something I had said or done, or whether I have ever looked at porn, holding a grudge against someone, or whatever. The point is – I have lied about these deadly things to save face.

I have chosen to be open and honest about any and all things in my life. This was not an easy choice but I have much more peace in my life due to my decision. It takes so much effort and energy to be fake.

There are 4 people in my life in which I share everything. Those people are: My wife, my mentors, and two of my closest friends.

You cannot tell everyone your junk. Don’t be naive. However, you must find someone in which you can spill your guts.

So, today I am going to do as Anne Jackson says and give you “the gift of going first” so that you are comfortable with going second. What do I mean? I am going to share my junk with you so that you will in turn share your junk with someone else.

Here goes: I have lied to cover my own back at times. I have spoken bad of other ministers when I have disagreed with their theology or ministry style. I have lusted after women, money, food, and any other thing you want to add to the list. I have watched porn, cursed, and yelled at my wife. I have acted superior to others and yet felt so small and insignificant at the same time. There is a ton of other crap that seems tiny compared to this list, so I will stop here.

If you need to speak with me to get some things out of your heart and confess your sin to Jesus, or if you would like for me to connect you with a professional life coach or counselor, please email me. One cannot remain in sin or bondage. It is not the life Jesus intended for any of us.

Just know that there is NO judgement here at all. We are a ministry full of grace. There is nothing that will surprise us or make us think less of you. NOTHING.

We are an EAR WITHOUT AN ECHO. Human Like You is a place where the only consequence for truth is love.

I will probably get several emails from leaders and pastors telling me that this was not wise for me to share these private struggles. I disagree wholeheartedly. People who get nervous about this kind of ministry probably need it the most.

CLICK HERE to contact me.

Stats from THE BARNA GROUP

Foot Loose

Most of us have heard the term “PREACHERS KID”. When we hear this term, most of our minds picture the rebellious kid whose mom and dad were holiness or fundamental preachers. Kinda like the movie FOOTLOOSE …but without Kevin Bacon and great dancing. However, all of the drama is still in play.

Why does this picture or image pop in our minds? Well – its kinda true. Although I am not a preachers kid, I have many friends who are. And let me tell ya… never mind.

My son Carson is a preachers kid. I have come to grips with this fact. I wished it were not true – but then I would not be called to do what I do. I love the call of God on my life. BUT – I love the God of the call more.

One of my mentors said that her spouse use to look at some preachers and churches and make this comment “I would hate to be sentenced to that”. WOW. What a perspective.

It is like incarceration to be a part of some peoples ministries.

No wonder PK’s are lumped into one dysfunctional category. So, with this in mind, I wanted to share another stat with you:

80% of adult children that had pastors for parents have had to seek professional help for depression.

This ought not be. The call of God was never placed on any of us to save other peoples families and allow ours to be destroyed.

I want to encourage you as pastors, worship leaders, or any other person who works diligently in the ministry: DON’T SENTENCE YOUR CHILDREN TO UNDESIRED MINISTRY.

Allow the wondrous Holy Spirit to call them into WHATEVER He has for them. For my wife, it was being a nurse. For me, it was a preacher, singer, and writer. For others, it may be a landscape artist or an insurance salesman. Whatever He has in mind will bring the greatest joy.

I pray that my dear son serves Jesus. But, I want him to always know that HOWEVER he serves Jesus is cool with me and his mom.

By the way – I love rock-n-roll and I wish I could dance like Kevin Bacon. Heck, I just wish I could dance.

Did you know this?

Human Like You serves to alleviate the pressures of ministry in the lives of God’s servants. From time to time we will be posting some stats that will help educate our readers as to the reality of what leaders face. Here are some startling stats on pastors wives.

80% of pastors’ spouses feel their spouse is overworked.

80% of pastor’ wives feel left out and unappreciated by the church members.

80% of pastors’ spouses wish their spouse would choose another profession.

80% of pastors’ wives feel pressured to do things and be something in the church that they are really not.

The majority of pastor’s wives surveyed said that the most destructive event that has occurred in their marriage and family was the day they entered the ministry.