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Unrealistically Human

Meet my newest pal, Trevor DeVage. I met this guy while on his sabbatical here in Nashville. He and I hit it off immediately. This is a guest post by Trevor. Follow him on Twitter. This blog is to-the-point, so buckle up.

I just want to scream at the top of my lungs, but I don’t even have the energy for that right now. I am tired of having to put on the face because the “church” can’t handle reality. We read about it in scripture and are thankful that they are all just as messed up as we are. But the moment we become human too, people freak. They can’t handle it. They want pretty and perfect, yet what they say is they want real and authentic.

I wish the church could handle real and authentic.

Image by deviant art

You know what real and authentic gets you as a pastor…labeled.

He’s a rebel.

He’s angry.

He’s too edgy.

He’s married to a beautiful woman who should wear a burlap sack.

He’s not the total package.

He’s a jerk.

He’s prideful and arrogant.

He’s entitled.

He’s not lead pastor material.

He’s not…fill in the blank.

What we want is not what Jesus redeemed. What we want is something not realistic for any human being. I am wearied of people trying to cram other people into these labels and boxes. It’s as if you have to stay there and if you don’t well then you are not ministry material.

I wonder…was Moses ministry material?

I wonder…was David ministry material?

I wonder…was Paul ministry material?

I wonder…was Adam ministry material?

I wonder…was Abraham ministry material?

I wonder…was Samson ministry material?

I wonder…was Peter ministry material?

These men were liars, adulterers, murderers, prideful, arrogant, unloving, angry individuals…who the last time I checked were all deemed qualified for ministry. We love to say that God chooses imperfect people to carry out his will. But what our actions state is that we want God to give us perfect people to run our churches so we can land blast them when they are actually what they were created to be…HUMAN!

So may we become people who will make continual allowances for being what we were created to be. May we be people who will not hold humans to inhuman expectations. And may we realize that we are all in the same boat no matter the pedestal or platform that we elevate people to.

May we be HUMAN!

Discussion Question:
In what ways do you handle those around you in their “humanness”?

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Empty Promises pt. 1

I often rave over my local church – and rightly so. But sometimes a message is preached that does something to you inwardly that other messages just do not accomplish. That is the case with the first week of the new sermon series, Empty Promises by our pastor Pete Wilson.

CLICK IMAGE TO PURCHASE BOOK

This week, Pete hit another milestone in his writing as he released his second book, EMPTY PROMISES. Of course we get the privilege of not only getting to read the book, but also getting to hear the message series live each week. So the next few Mondays on HLY I am going to share the sermon series notes and my thoughts from Sunday’s message.

I for one have many empty promises that I often chase. Pete opened up a can of worms in my life that I did know existed, or I chose to ignore them. I guess we all have those IDOLS in our live, but we also must be willing to confront and allow the image of Christ to replace the golden images of our own imagination and desire.

The points that I am going to share in this blog post are taken from Pete’s book and sermon series. So, I hope you enjoy what we learned today.

Empty Promises are those things in which we allow to take the place of Christ in our lives. They are nothing more than idols that we place, not only before God, but are those things we seek to give us only what God can give.
We often try to find peace in “stuff”. This is idolatry. Why? Because we look for fulfillment, peace, joy, and satisfaction within the creation and not the Creator.
Most of our idols are performance driven.
Idols will always exhaust us because they cannot breathe life back into us.
When we take a good thing and make it an ultimate thing, it becomes an idol thing, which then becomes a destructive thing.

Here are two ways to help you recognize your proclivity toward idols:

Am I willing to sin to get it?
Am I willing to sin if I think I am going to lose it?

The real problem with our culture is not external idolatry (sacrificing animals, etc), but internal idolatry (looking for “things” to bring us fulfillment).

Jesus doesn’t want to edit our behaviors, he wants to change our hearts.

My confession:

I have more idols than I realized. I am tempted to try to modify my sin behavior because I want to do what is right. However, Jesus does not want me to modify my behavior for His approval or love. He wants my heart to be purified from idols so that my love relationship with Him is fulfilled. My external actions produce little results. Why? I can’t measure up to my own rules, more or less God’s. That is why it is imperative that we rely on grace to move us into a place of freedom from idols, or as Pete calls them – EMPTY PROMISES.

Discussion Question:
What idols immediately come to mind that you have sought to bring fulfillment to your life in place of God?

You can purchase Pete’s book, Empty Promises HERE.

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What Forms Your Thinking?

Here is the question for you, “What forms my thinking? What affects the outcome of my decisions?” Is my mindset “fixed” in a moment or is it in a state of continual growth?

Over this series of guest posts that I am doing for Human Like You, we are going to spend time answering these questions:

How are mindsets formed
Can they be changed
Could I be stuck
What are the Spiritual applications

By definition a mindset is: a set os beliefs or a way of thinking that determines one’s behavior, outlook and mental attitude.

Image by Rob Atkins

I understand how easy it is to become “fixed” in moment of time. For years I was wrapped up in the title of a pastor. I let it define me. I enjoyed hearing people say,”Hey, Pastor Rob, what’s your thoughts on this, I enjoyed your message, you’re this, you’re that.”

You get the picture.

When I left the pastorate I allowed myself to become stuck in that moment in my life. It took time for me to figure out who I was outside of the scope of pastoring. I had to realize I was not just a pastor; I am a father, a husband, a friend, a student, and a teacher. All of these things make up who I am. I had to learn to enjoy just being me.

For some, a “fixed” mindset started back in grade school. We allowed one test we failed to define us, or one little word Suzy or Tommy said, make us feel like a loser. So what if you got a 65 on your math test and Tommy got a 92?

So what if you pastor a church of 75 and someone else pastors a church of 275?

When we allow ourselves to become “stuck” in a difficult moment, concrete can begin to form around our thoughts. We begin to compare ourselves to others. We start saying things like, ”Why can’t I have what they have. I must not be as smart as they are. People must like them more. They must have something I don’t.”

Those type of thoughts can form negative patterns. Learn to see opportunity. Understand that a 65 on a math test only tells you where you are at this point. Let it challenge you to improve.

Potential = Someone’s capacity to develop skills, with effort over time.

Our ability to recognize growth potential is key. As I tell people all the time, I have no hidden agenda, no ulterior motive when I speak or write a blog. My only desire is to try to help you be the best version of yourself you can be. Understand you can accomplish things in your life with a set-in-stone mindset, but why would you want to limit yourself? Why would you settle for not reaching your full potential?

I’m not saying it’s going to easy. Trust me, there are days that it’s a lot more comfortable to stroke my own ego, to find something or someone to say, “Hey, I’ve got it together more than they do.”

We set ourselves up for disappointment when we allow a moment or a person (ourselves) to determine the outcome of our lives. Recognize where you are in your life; if your stuck, admit it. If you need help, seek it out. Your willingness to change will affect everything and everyone around you.

Next time…. My mind and my spirit are working together.

Discussion Question:
What are some of the unhealthy mindsets in which you struggle to maintain motivation?

This Guest Post Is By: Rob Atkins

Smokin’ Joe Said What!

Some time ago I had an encounter with a couple of gentlemen, one of which we will refer to as “Smokin’ Joe”. No, it was not the Camel Cigarettes Mascot…although that would have been a neat encounter. I mean who doesn’t want to meet a smoking Camel?

I digress.

To be clear, this post is not about condemning people who have an addiction to smoking, but it is about addictions.

Image by Camel

I sat at my kitchen table sipping a warm cup of Donut Shop coffee brewed in less than 30 seconds by my beloved K-Cup machine. While enjoying my cup of coffee I began to share my story of grace with these gentlemen that I had just met. To my surprise, they were not really on the same page as me as it related to grace. Go figure.

Somehow we got on the subject of addictions. The friend of Smokin’ Joe made the statement, “The church is so addicted to things like pain medications, antidepressants, alcohol, etc.” I agreed with him.

But then I made the mistake of telling the guys that I was taking 20mg of Lexapro for General Anxiety Disorder (GAD). They both just looked at me and gently nodded their heads in disapproval to my horrendous addiction to anxiety medication.

I shared my heart about how Lexapro has helped me to refocus the anxiety in which I have fought since I was a teenager. Lexipro allows me to be peaceable and not fly off the handle for no reason. It keeps my stomach out of knots.

They continued to nod with concern.

I explained to them that I was glad that I am not addicted to Lexapro or any other medication, but was very glad that I am currently taking my 20mg’s to buffer anxiety.

Then it happened – Smokin’ Joe then tells me that I am basically taking cocaine and that I am addicted. He says that I am not free in Christ and that my mind it numbed to the reality of my addiction. He also reminds me that I am in sin for taking this medicine and not relying on God for deliverance.

From here, I think I may have blacked out. I’m not sure that Lexapro could have helped my thought process. From what I remember, I stayed calm and Jesus like. Thankfully, no one left with a good cursing.

What’s the point of this post?

To be clear, I really had no problem with Smokin’ Joe’s position on my “addiction”. I didn’t black out or want to curse him out. I just like to joke around a bit.

Also, when someone brings information to you that is questionable, you must look to the source of the information and then make an evaluation as to the level of influence in which that information will have on your mind.

From the moment Smokin’ Joe walked into our home he was drinking coffee. He had four cups of coffee in just an hour or so in one sitting. From our conversation I learned that he had also been drinking coffee all morning as well.

Smokin’ Joe is as you might expect, a chain smoker.

You see, those who have issues in their own lives often push on you those things from which they want to be free.

Joe didn’t have a problem with me being on Lexapro – Joe had a problem with the multiple addictions in his own life. Hence, he had to condemn mine.

We often find problems in others that we ourselves struggle with the most. We condemn ourselves by dissecting the sin in our neighbors life. That is why Jesus said to remove the plank out of your own eye before you try to remove the splinter out of your neighbors eye. We mustn’t judge lest we be judged by the same measure.

Joe rinsed out the coffee cup, we prayed, hugged one another and he headed out the door with his pal.

Joe left me with 4 less K-Cups – that’s all. But what if he had met someone who didn’t understand grace? He would have left them with a lot more than a few less K-Cups – he would have left them hopeless and confused.

So my challenge for all of us today is that we leave the cleaning of the heart to the one who can purify it with love. Give grace to those who you feel don’t deserve it.

One day Smokin’ Joe will need the same grace that he refused to give me and others alike. Let us all do this for one another.

John 13:35 (NLT) Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”

Grace and peace.

Discussion Question:
Do you ever find yourself analyzing someone else only to realize that person became a giant mirror for your own life?

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5 Ways Jesus Was Human Like You

Image by christmas-specials.wikia.com

John tells us in his gospel that, “The Word became flesh and dwelt among us and we have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only son of the father, full of grace and truth.” (1:14)

I like saying it from this perspective, “God’s best idea became human, to be like us, to live with us…”

Often times as both believers in Jesus and non believers, we place majority emphasis on the divinity of Jesus and neglect that He was flesh and blood like you and I.

His divinity and his humanity stand as two distinct attributes. We see the humanity of Jesus in a very distinct way during his life, before His death and resurrection. Afterward we see Jesus in a much more “divine” manner.

Here is an example of Jesus before his death and resurrection and then one afterward.

Before Resurrection: He was born of a woman. He was raised as a normal child. His heart was to do the will of His father. He depended upon and believed God for supernatural ability to heal and perform miracles, just like you and I.

After Resurrection: He passed through a wall of a house. He ascended into the clouds. He looked different to Mary after His resurrection.

Jesus was 100% human before his death and resurrection. It was only after His resurrection that He became divine or glorified. Jesus even prayed in John 17 for His father “glorify” His so that He can glorify His father.

Jesus being a man gives me great hope as a human. Why? Because He was like me.

Hebrews 2:14-18 says, Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery. For surely it is not angels that he helps, but he helps the offspring of Abraham. Therefore he had to be made like his brothers in every respect, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.

Did you see it? Notice the highlighted portion of this passage. He was made like us in every respect. He suffered when He was tempted. He was flesh and blood and partook of the same things as we.

Here are 5 ways in which Jesus was #HUMANLIKEYOU

1. Did Jesus ever become impatient with people? Yes.

Matthew 17:17 Jesus said, “How long do I have to stay with you people. You are a perverse and evil.”

2. Did Jesus ever get angry? Yes.

John 2:13-17 Jesus goes into the temple and gives them a good ole’ country tale beating. His anger was evident because of the sin that was happening in the temple.

4. Was Jesus ever sad? Yes.

Matthew 14:1-13 Jesus heard that His cousin and friend John the Baptist was beheaded, so He withdrew Himself to a solitary place. He was sad.

Did Jesus ever cry? Yes.

John 11:35 Jesus wept at the death of Lazarus. This is another picture of Jesus being sad.

5. Did Jesus ever deal with fear? Yes.

Matthew 26 Jesus is the garden of Gethsemane before His death and asks, “Father, please, if there be another way, please let this cup pass from me.”

This is fear. We seem to always want to quote the super hero part, “Nevertheless, not my will be thine be done.”

We tend to paint a picture that this was a one line prayer. But, remember, Jesus had asked them to pray with him for a least an hour. So, it is obvious that this is only a portion of what Jesus prayed.

His fear of the awful death and torture He would face came through the words of His prayer.

Discussion Question:
Do you have any objections to seeing Jesus as a Human? If so, what are they?

Rat Poison pt. 5

This blog will be the last in the series. So, if you have not had a chance to read parts 1-4, you can do that by clicking HERE and beginning with part 1.

A special thanks to Marc Grimes for allowing me to use some of his content for part 4 of this blog series.

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It is now decision time. Some of you have already emailed and told me that you have made a decision to let go of the unforgiveness and bitterness in your life. I am so happy for you.

Here is one of the stories I received. Stephanie, the one who submitted the comment has given me permission to publish her thoughts.

“Until reading this series I didn’t realize that I have been harboring unforgiveness towards a set of people for years, especially one particular person. Everything you’re pointing out is 100% accurate for me. I interact with this person daily, and my feelings toward this person is in a sense, setting them up for failure. If I constantly expect them to be what they were in the past, they have no chance to change. My attitude effects their actions. What kind of Christian am I? Thank you Matt. This is something that has greatly altered my life and feelings over the years. The person in which I was bitter toward has made tremendous efforts to change, now I have to do my part and forgive and move forward. I didn’t realize I had not done that until now. Many blessings to you and yours!” – Stephanie

Today is always the best day to begin your journey toward freedom from the poison of unforgiveness.

Image by charismaministries.org

How does one get free from such a harsh mental battle?

Well, I sure wish it was as easy as a 1, 2, 3, list but it’s not. There is no magic to forgiving; it’s just a choice.

I made a choice a little over a year ago to let go of this bitterness and unforgiveness that I carried for 5 1/2 years toward the guy mentioned in the previous blogs. I no longer have to look in the closet – that no one could fit in to save their life. I no longer have to look behind the shower curtain, in the back seat of my car, or under the bed. The fear has left because the unforgiveness has been released.

Please read this carefully:

I did not have a supernatural experience with God or a defining moment where I could say, “This is the day that it happened.”

It was a process to which I committed. God was faithful in pulling me out of the mental prison where I had been living for years. We often have the tendency to want our deliverance or freedom at the moment of desperation. However, one must keep in mind that it did not take you one split moment to get into this mess. Like all of us, you took time to process the hate or bitterness for that person(s). So it will take time to walk out of it. Yes, God will accompany your walk, but He will also make sure that you walk away from it all – the fear, anxiety, depression, etc. This is a timely issue. Make the most of your walk.

“Forgiveness means it finally becomes unimportant that you hit back. You’re done. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you want to have lunch with the person. If you keep hitting back, you stay trapped in the nightmare…” ― Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith

Discussion Question:
Will you make the choice to start your “forgiveness journey” today? If so, message me HERE and let me agree with you in prayer.

Also, I challenge you to write the word UNFORGIVENESS on a piece of paper, like the picture above. When you are ready to begin letting go, rip the paper in half to mark your starting point.

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Rat Poison pt. 4

Did you know that the only place in scripture that we are asked to leave the altar is when we have unforgiveness, or anything in our heart against our brother or sister? It’s true. Read it HERE.

No other times does Jesus ask us to leave our worship, our offerings, or gifts in the Bible. Only when we have indifference in our hearts toward those we are to love.

It is Jesus who chose to forgive you so that fear, doubt, and alienation would not control or destroy your life. He also took the offenses of many so that we too could forgive the offices of many.

One of the greatest gifts Jesus gave us through His Finished Work is the gift to forgive those who do deserve it.

Image by: wzakcleveland.com

Let me remind of what Anne Lamottsays:

“Unforgiveness is like you eating rat poison and waiting on the rat to die.”

Also, the only time in Scripture where Jesus says that He will not forgive you is if you do not forgive others. Read it HERE.

Anne Lamott also said concerning unforgiveness,

“Forgiveness means it finally becomes unimportant that you hit back. You’re done. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you want to have lunch with the person. If you keep hitting back, you stay trapped in the nightmare…”

Mar Grimes teaches why we do not forgive. He says,

“Why do we struggle so much with forgiving people? One of the reasons we don’t want to forgive people is because we’re scared. We are afraid that they will hurt us again.

When we forgive someone, we are making ourselves vulnerable to them. We have a tendency to believe that if we forgive someone we are admitting that what they have to us is okay. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Spouses are afraid to forgive each other because they want to have the upper hand in the marriage…and they want to dangle their partner’s flaws over their head.

Parents don’t forgive their children because they want to teach them a lesson…and if they forgive them then they are condoning their child’s behavior.

Children don’t forgive their parents because they were supposed to be a good example for them…and if they forgive them they have to let go of their resentment.

People don’t want to forgive people because they are afraid to lose power.”

William H. Walton says,

“To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee.”

More on Wednesday. See you then.

Rat Poison pt. 3

As you know from pt. 2 of Rat Poison, my father chose to forgive the man who killed his mother. But what happens when one chooses not to give? What is the opposite outcome of choosing the wrong action toward unforgiveness?

I want to share with you my situation – a very personal matter that I think will help shed light on what unforgiveness does to the human mind, heart, and soul.

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Having unforgiveness in one’s heart can happen in a moment. Or, in my case, in can happen over a period of time. It may be the way someone treats you in private and then acts differently in public. It could be the way they manipulate with you being able to place your finger on the matter and dealing with it directly. It could be situation like the one with my grandmother that can cause different emotions such as unforgiveness, resentment, hate, anger, and bitterness in the heart of human.

There are many happenings that build up in a soul to produce such venom. It is like the earth-shaking volcano that slowly builds up magmatic heat and pressure only to erupt and destroy everything in its path. So it is with unforgiveness. We allow the smallest incidents to slip by. They start to play in the mind over and over like a broken record. Before we realize it, the mistreatment and manipulation has debilitated our ability to forgive. So we chose the opposite of forgiveness and live in a state of unforgiveness.

There have been few people from whom I have withheld forgives for a certain length of time. Of course, those will remain anonymous for the sake of non harming the ones I allowed to harm me. However, the impact that unforgiveness had on my life was not evident at first. No, to be quite transparent I thought I was above the poison of unforgiveness.

Image by tattoosloveandlunacy

Author Anne Lamott said,

“Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.”

There were two people who I was sure were rats in my life. However, I was the one dying a slow and painful, inward death. The scripture likens sin to leaven. It says in the Aramaic Bible in Plain English (©2010) “A little leaven ferments the entire lump.”

This principle applies to the sin of unforgiveness. It works its way like a snake slivering through the jungle of your mind. It takes it time and hones in on areas of godly character. These godly characteristics are love, joy, peace, goodness, kindness, meekness, gentleness, faith, and self-control. Galatians 5:22-23

Before long, this slivering snake has devoured whole all the fruit that the Spirit has born in you by the work of the Cross. Now, what was once godly, alive, and active is now fermented and rotten by the poison of unforgiveness.

Fear is one of the emotions that I had never really dealt with in my life; at least not at this level. This tangible fear peaked its ugly head above the cloud of peace in which I was living. I describe this fear as tangible, for one only knows how realistic it can be if one has been there and tasted the sourness of fear. It is a crippling, mind altering, and demonic spirit that we allow to crawl into the core of our psyche.

The reason I note fear as a spirit is because scripture is plain about the matter:

2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Oh, how I longed to have a sound mind and know that I was walking in power and victory over fear. Let me share with you what began to happen to me over the course of 2 years once I allowed the poison of unforgiveness to work its wickedness. This is a story about one of the people for which I harbored hate.

Fear is an awful equation. It cripples the strongest of men. It breeds contempt in the heart of faith. It causes one to wrestle with the love of God. “If God cares for me, then why do I fear for my safety and safety of my family?” It causes one to be on edge. Fear it terrible. I 100% attribute my fear of this person to one thing – unforgiveness.

I begin to have nightmares of something happening to my wife Amber and my son Carson. These nightmares would cause me to wake in the middle of the night. Sometimes when I would wake the collar of my t-shirt would be wet with sweat. At times, like most when they awake in the night I would rise out of bed and go to the restroom to urinate. I hated going into that dark bathroom. Many times I would anticipate someone being behind the illusive shower curtain. I would often peek behind the shower curtain as if I was going to sneak up on my imaginary attacker.

I was afraid. I would check the closets every now and then. I would turn on the lights in our automobile to check the back seat to make sure no one broke it and waited in the dark. I would look in restaurants for this person just in case I needed to avoid contact at check out or in the restroom.

You see, I handed over my mind and made it captive to a person I never see.

“What did this person do that made you so afraid?” I figured you were wondering. Well, I will keep those events private.

The darkest part of me wanted this person to hurt. The way that we were treated or made to feel at times caused great anger for this person to build and build. If we were to see one another I made it a point that they knew that I was not going to speak. I wanted this person to know that I possessed hate for their presence. I loathed this persons name. The more I hated and resented this person, the more control they would gain – and they didn’t even know they had me!

The fear grew when the hate grew. I would hate more because I feared more. It was this vicious cycle that I could not stop. I would rage inside rather than pray inside. The hate, unforgiveness, and anger gave me a sense of power. My adrenaline would rise and I wanted to pound my chest in anger toward a guy that I never see.

I remember one instance in which this person called me on the phone and apologized for his actions toward me and my family.

I said,

“Thank you for calling me about this. I have wanted to tell you that I hate you and that I do not forgive you. Go to hell.”

I made a choice that day to remain captive to the voice on the phone. I gave him control that he did not want.

Be aware that you can give control of your peace and joy to anything that is not before the Cross. The blood of Christ is the only place ones emotions can stay clean and at rest. I truly believe this.

What would have happened if I had placed this mess before the Cross when it first began? What would have been the outcome of my mental health had I given my mind to the One who created it? Why did I not do what the Scripture teaches and forgive seventy times seven? What happened to going the extra mile with the ones who takes advantage of me? For me, it all went out the door when I chose to harbor unforgiveness.