Human Like You | Where Human Struggle Meets Grace.

Was Whitney Saved?

I was so saddened when I read of Ms. Houston’s death on my AP app. I get those instant alerts of breaking news all the time – however, this time it was different. This happening wasn’t about Syria, Afghanistan, or the likes; It was much more personal.

I did not have the privilege of knowing or ever meeting Whitney, but like all who ever heard her sing we felt like we knew her. She did that to everyone I suppose.

As we all know, Whitney Houston professed Christ. We also know that her struggle with drug abuse and other things made for a difficult few years in the media and in her home.

With that said, I want to share my perspective as to why people like Whitney Houston can know the Lord deeply, struggle deeply, and die tragically.

I first have to look at my own life and think to myself, “What if you were the one who struggled as she?” After I ask this sort of question, I then have to answer with a resounding, “You are just like her.”

My issue may not be substance abuse. For a long time, my drug of choice was religion. Yes I was born again, but it was certainly not a pure devotion to Christ. I kept on preaching and playing the ministry game, but I still really didn’t know Jesus through the gift of Grace.

As we watched Whitney’s funeral via CNN & FOX, we kept hearing the same theme that surrounded her life – “She loved the Lord.” Many can and have asked, “How can this be and her die like that?” Well, I have a few “ponderings” for you that may help you understand why ANYONE can love the Lord and expire as Ms. Houston.

Whitney Houston

Again, these are my thoughts and are in no particular order or cadence. 

The church AND those outside the church need to understand that just because we believe in the Perfect One does not mean that we are a perfect one. My struggles in the flesh are just that – they are in my flesh. The Lord Jesus has redeemed my soul from eternal damnation. That does not exclude me from fleshly failings. Be very clear on this truth.

Jesus loves you and I just he same. Saint or sinner, clean or unclean, sober or not – He loves and saves – period.

We must all keep in mind that it was not by Whitney’s actions that saved her, it was her faith. So by faith we inherit the promise of eternal life, not by actions in the flesh.

The church has this habit of saying crazy things that goes something like this:

“People like Whitney give the church a bad name cause she professed Jesus out of the same mouth from which she smoked crack.”

This is not true at all about Whitney or you. Jesus’ name has been preserved until this very day with sin and folly from the day of His crucifixion. Me, you, nor Whitney can mess up His sovereign plan.

We must be very careful to hold the evil tongue when spewing our negative opinions about someone else’s struggle. For we might find ourselves or our children in the same situation.

All to often in the ultra religious or main line conservative churches we tend to want to preach people like Whitney into hell. I don’t get this. Why do we desire for someone to pay for their sin when Christ already paid for it?

As it relates to Ms. Houston’s struggles – yes, it is very possible for her to know God and still be addicted. You and I both have addictions and know the Lord – right?

The difference between you and me and Whitney is this: Her struggles were outward for all the world to see. It is easy for you and I to hide our adulterous thoughts, private porn addictions, prescription med problems, need for approval from everyone, evil intentions, cheating on taxes, wrong motives, unethical business practices, and deceit. Oh yes. But be aware that the secret nature of the heart always has a way of creeping out so that others will see it – especially once you begin to point the bony finger of judgement.

One day you will need the same grace that you will not give someone else. Just know that.

When was the last time you caught the attention of CNN & FOX and took the world to church for 4 hours? God uses all things for the pleasure of His will and purpose.

Whitney gave the world a glimpse of Jesus that you nor I could ever do. That is awesome. That is godly. That is what being a believer is about. Sure, it could have been under better circumstances – however, I would have rather had not-so-great circumstances to cause the world to hear about Christ than to never have heard about Him at all.

I saw some tweets that were unsatisfied that Kevin Costner said the word “damn” in church. I have to confess that I have said worse in church. Not that it matters, but I thought Mr. Costner did an amazing job.

Discussion Question:
How do your respond to those who are struggling in your church or family?

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My Motive?

I have a confession to make at the onset of this post. I have often judged others motives before I knew their true heart. You? 

Image by super-injunction

Here are 6 consequences of judging someones motives prematurely:  

  1. We limit potential, life changing relationships.
  2. We limit our willingness to help them before we know what they desire.
  3. We stretch out a cold hand instead of a warm grip.
  4. We potentially alter a productive outcome for the individual.
  5. We limit ourselves from learning. Whether negative or positive, we learn either way.
  6. We give others a chance to engage and feel important and accepted.

It is said about our pastor the he does not predetermine someones motives and that he simply believes the best in everyone and allows the relationship to develop or disconnect from there.

I pray that I am the same with you and all those I will meet in the future. Maybe we can touch this hurting world together if  you and I would simply lay down our preconceived notions of who and what we believe one another to be.

Discussion Question:
Are you like me when it comes to these sort of things? Ever feel yourself wishing you had trusted just a bit more?

 

Coming Out Cynical

For the most part, everyone knows the type of church background from which I came. I grew up pentecostal – tongue talking, shouting, laying hands on anything that would stand still and the likes. Due to my background I was exposed to all kinds of other things that were less than scriptural. I was also exposed to the idea of celebrity ministry. For me, it was like a moth to a flame. And oh did I get burned.

Not only did I get burned – I turned cynical and critical of anything charismatic or pentecostal. Keep in mind that I deeply believe in the things of the Spirit. I have no cynicism about the Holy Spirit or how He chooses to work. But I cannot say that about people who say they are Spirit filled.

[Side note: Spirit Filled, for the pentecostal/charismatic means one operates in the gifts of the Spirit listed in Paul's letter to the church at Corinth. I take time to explain this because some readers are not familiar with that belief system.  I for one do not adhere to this. In my view and study of scripture - if you are born again, you are Spirit filled. All spiritual gifts are given to you by God at His own will.] 

Moving on.

Image courtesy of www.istockphotos.com

I want to share a personal experience with you: 

There is a certain celebrity type itinerate preacher/worship leader of whom I have worked with on a short-term basis. This person has seen drama in life and ministry that would make the worst of us blush. Nonetheless, I have been extremely critical of this person at times and voiced my opinion of the things that I have heard and seen in the green room or on the stage. Being “used up” by these people simple adds to the cynicism.

Because of the things that I have heard or seen from this person and a few others, I began to lump all who are like them into the same basket of cynicism. I not only talked trash about them, I thought they were trash. I made light of the things of God due to their actions, particularly those of the same background as mine.

However, even while I write this post I find myself listening to this persons music.

Every time I listen to this persons music I experience God in unique ways. To put it plainly, I default to this person when I need something deeper than a topical evangelical worship song.

How can I be so critical or cynical towards this person and people alike and then have no problem worshipping and praying with their music as the backdrop of my time with God? How can I say awful things about preachers and at the same time have their sermons in my iPhone?

My heart is badly misshapen and imbrued.  

The reason I write this blog is to encourage you to think back on some of the people who once blessed your life before they had a great fall or experienced character problems. Don’t forget the impact they had in your life.

I am often reminded that we must be careful how we treat others because we never know whose hands we are going to fall into. We must be mindful of our words – because like me, you may need the same ministry that you once despised.

For it was the adulterer David that God used to be a mighty king. It was the whoremonger Solomon that God would use to build the temple. It was the murder and liar Moses that God would use to bring millions out of Egyptian bondage.

I am not saying that we should be ok with nonsense from preachers. I think you know my heart better than that. But I am saying, give grace to those who need it most. You may need it most one day as well.

I have made a choice to lay my cynical heart on the altar of love and ask the Lord Jesus to mold it again into one that is whole. I need Him to do that. Why? Because I want to know the Holy Spirit in better and deeper ways. This will not happen if I choose to remain cynical toward the things of God, His church, or even toward His crazy servants.

The truth is I came out cynical and came back broken. Now I can serve Him without unfair expectations on other broken people.

I hope this made sense to you all. Much love.

Discussion Question:
What about you? Do you struggle with cynicism? Did you come out of a background that made it easy to be critical?

 

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Pillow Fight pt. 2

In light of Monday’s Post (pt.1), I wanted to uncover my own heart and life and share with you the many feathers that I allowed to fall unattended.

These things affected and infected my marriage, fatherhood, ministry, and view of God. I hope that my vulnerability will help you address the same.

As I noted in the previous post, I used to be a senior pastor. In addition, I have also served on church staff at several places. Some of which I ruined due to the heavy feathers we are discussing.

Merely speculating, had I been wise enough to confront these issues, I would probably be in a much healthier place in life and ministry today. I would hope and think so.

Image by layoutsparks.com

Here we go:

  • I allowed small church problems to add up to major hurt in my wife.
  • I had opportunities to spend more time with my father during a rocky phase in our relationship and I didn’t.
  • At times I would be more concerned with image than the real picture.
  • I exaggerated a lot…or as my wife called it – lying.
  • I allowed unhealthy relationships in my life – one right after the other.
  • I sought out my identity in ministry endeavors. If they failed (which they usually did), then I failed.

You see, these are the feathers that compact against the mind ad heart of a man or woman until we find ourselves on the ground, unconscious but breathing.

Discussion Question:
What are the steps or actions that you take to manage the falling feathers?

Pillow Fight!

Growing up in our single wide mobile home always made for a small place for three young elementary boys to play. One day my friends Les and Brad came over after school. We decided we were going to have a pillow fight. We all three chose our pillow and begin to swing as hard as possible.

Keep in mind that Les and Brad are twice my size…or they were then. I used to be a scrawny little elementary school kid.

Les, the bigger of the three, picked up a feather pillow and begin to swing it rapidly. I did not think that a feather pillow could hurt me so badly, until he gave me the fatal blow to the head.

He hit me so hard with a feather pillow that it knocked me out cold.

Who would’ve ever thought that a feather pillow could have knocked someone unconscious?

Here is what I learned from that pillow fight.

One feather may be light and soft to the touch. As an individual feather, it is a nondestructive item. But when you compact thousands of light things together they become a deadly force.

And so it goes with all the small or light circumstances that are being allowed to impact your life and ministry. They all begin to compact together until one day they deal a deadly blow to your life and knock you out of your marriage, father/motherhood, or ministry.

When I was a pastor, I had many feathers fall all around me. I ignored them. I also paid the price. 

Here a few things to consider as feathers in your pillow case:

  • It may be showing up 5 minutes late to your child’s piano recital.
  • It may be missing to many ball games.
  • It may be one too many drinks. 
  • It may be flirtation with the church secretary.
  • It could be your spouse asking you to help more around the house and it going unsatisfied.
  • It could be your church employees distancing themselves from you.
  • It could be your son or daughter asking if you have to go back to the church office.

Whatever your feather, be aware that it may be a light thing right now, but be assured they are compacting on you everyday that you do not manage them.

That which we are contending with may seem light, but when many light things are compounded they take you down.

Discussion Question:
What are some of the feathers in your case? What has taken you down at times?

Soapbox Preacher Bashing

I was once a preacher basher. I would stand on the illusory soapbox while behind the pulpit and make my spill about who we should listen to, why we should not listen, and who I thought was a heretic and not committed to the pure gospel of Jesus.

My actions and words were most immature and greatly ungodly. It took me realizing that I too am in need of great grace, direction, and maturation.

Image by: MonsieurLui

Here are 10 Reason why one should not practice soapbox preacher bashing:

  1. Realize that we do not have the place to correct someone in which do not have a relationship. As the old saying goes, “Rebuke without relationship breeds contempt.”
  2. These actions bring more dissension in the body than it does unity. Why tear a part someone who professes Christ just as you?
  3. People who you think agree with probably don’t. Many say amen, but not genuinely agree.
  4. You discredit your own integrity by tearing down someone else’s character or method of sharing the gospel.
  5. This gives the unbeliever a reason to continue in unbelief.
  6. The person in whom is being criticized is defenseless. Why speak ill of someone when they are absent?
  7. This makes some feel safe cause the ones being bashed cannot and would not retaliate. Why use social media to spew opinion while cloaking it in defending the gospel?
  8. Jesus would never act out against those that are for him.  Luke 9:49-50 49 “Master,” said John, “we saw someone driving out demons in your name and we tried to stop him, because he is not one of us.” 50 “Do not stop him,” Jesus said, “for whoever is not against you is for you.”
  9. Publicly tearing down someone is not the fruits of the spirit which are meekness, kindness, gentleness, goodness and self-control. (no I didn’t list all nine)
  10. You could possibly be nearsighted and think others should share the gospel as you think the New Testament should be preached.

Before we take our words and throw them around aimlessly, one should look inwardly at his or her intentions or motives. Are people such as Osteen, Jakes, Pearson, or Furtick preaching a gospel that is contrary to life in the scripture? (these names are used only for reference due to those who deem these as controversial or even heretical)

We all have varying viewpoints – and rightly so – as to whom we support or regard as a “real man or woman of God”. Remember, there are people who think that what you preach may not be all that “gospelly”.

We must not label people from behind our pulpits and social networks as heretics, lest they earn that attestation without regard. An example of a real heretic would be David Koresh. Do we place the people mentioned above in this same category? That’s dangerous.

Maybe our soap boxes need to get kicked out from under our own preachy feet today. I know mine did. I lead the charge against these people at one time.

I have my opinions concerning many preachers. But they are best left unspoken. Why? Cause they won’t change a thing.

We must place on the lens of the New Testament and walk it out as Christ. Leave all the other baloney alone.

Discussion Question:
Do you have any thoughts on this topic? Please share them.

 

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The Pouter or The Manipulator?

Twitter (@mattwade) has become one of the ways I communicate about my blog. Upon reading over the many information feeds I saw this tweet posted by Willie George of Church of the Move in Tulsa, OK.

“Pouting is manipulation. No place for it in your marriage!”

OUCH! Reality check.

Photobucket image by: Paladin_008

I’m a pouter. I’ll admit it. I am not sure what causes me to be such an immature husband at times. But with all the vulnerability that I have – I am putting myself out here today in hope that we can learn something from Willie Georges statement.

My wife Amber is a rock. She is one of the strongest people I know. I look to her for advice on just about everything that has to do with parenting.

Just like most couples, we argue over whatever. The problem with arguing – whether important or not – is that I get my feelings hurt. I guess I am somewhat of a wimp when it comes to my emotions.

I then do what a child tends to do – I pout. I mean – I pout – for a few hours. I have been this way my whole life. My face stays wrinkled. I don’t have a good attitude. My answers are short and blunt. I am a jerk when I pout.

I assumed that my pouting would make my wife feel awful and she would apologize – FOR THE WAY I TREATED HER. 

I hope you got that.

I read Willie’s comment on twitter and quickly realized that I am not a pouter - I am a manipulator. 

I made a decision when I read that comment to end the pout and the manipulation and do as one of my mentors did in her marriage – Practice instant forgiveness.

Discussion Question:

What about you? Do you cloak manipulation in pouting as I have done? Let’s talk about it.

 

 

5 Ways To Spot A Crazy Pastor

Now, before you jump to conclusions I am not talking about the pastor who cross dresses every 5th Sunday. Albeit that is nuts, I want to discuss the more subtle approaches to being crazy.

For someone to choose to be a leader either by calling or by general vocation, he or she has to have some sort of “crazy” in his or her DNA. You have to handle so much pressure and weight that it can become a tough situation if you do not have the proper legs to balance the table of leadership responsibilities. However, there are some who are just plain wild-eyed. 

Image courtesy of: SuperFantastic

I want so share 5 ways to spot a crazy pastor. 

Keep in mind, that you will not be able to spot these 5 things on the initial interview. You may have to interview a few times to see even one of them. The others will come out after you are hired. Most pastors, when interviewing put on their best game face – especially if you can benefit the staff.

But after you have been hired by the nut job, you can always resign. You are not a hostage. You are an employee.

  1. You have to look at the type people he has around him. Are they like servant zombies? Are they entranced by the leader? Look closely. How does he relate to his staff?  Let me be very clear: I believe in serving my leader, without any reservation. But some take it to a level of control. Just be aware.
  2. Ask the leader in the interview, “What kind of books do you read?” Now, depending on whether or not you are the crazy in this equation, the answer you get may be for your better. Regardless, what a man consistently reads he will become. I am all for being ecumenical in my faith in Jesus. I read various authors so that I am educated on belief or theology. However, like eating fish – you enjoy the meat but spit out the bones.
  3. Check the leaders theology via the website or blog before you ever get to the interview. This is so important. The job may pay well, but if they are coo coo, you do not want to get wrapped up in a mess.
  4. Listen to at least 5 of his messages on varying topics via the web before the interview. I have met a few that I loved when they were not preaching. Once they opened their mouths on the stage, the morphed into another creature. Sure, we all teach or preach a little differently than we talk – but being a completely different person is not genuine. If you can handle the chameleon, go for it. If not, bail out now. 
  5. If you have access to others in his denomination or fellowship don’t be afraid to ask about his track record/longevity as a leader. Keep in mind – even you have people who do not like you. So not everyone is going to give you a 100% love consensus. However, you can get an overall feel of the kind of person for which you are going to potentially work.

I have worked for control freaks ( I used to be one myself), I have worked for screamers (not just in the pulpit, but in the staff meetings), and I have worked for church athletes (Ministry became a game). I try to avoid this mess in my own life and I hope you can void it in yours as well.

I hope these five things help in your next job search.

Discussion Question: 

Have you ever worked for a crazy? If so, what were some of his or her tactics? (This is not a time to bash or call names.)

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